"She is love"

I love being around people. I love to be busy and have my calendar booked. On rare occasions, I’ll have a free hour, an empty car and a long drive [sometimes intentional]. Call me crazy, but some of my most humbling/convicting times with the Lord, often happen behind the wheel.

Someone recently made me a mix CD with the song “She is Love” by a band called Parachute. During one of those intentional drives, I was listening to this particular song. It made me think about how I should always be an instrument of His love, and it also made me question whether or not people see me as a person who loves [unconditionally]. I realize the truth “God is Love” has been instilled in us from an early age, but we are given the vocation to be His instruments of that love.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,
But she waited patiently.
It was all the same, all my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

If we want to discover if we’re related to God’s family… ask someone if they experience love from your life – love is the greatest clue.

Funny how God uses this song to communicate a vision. Mainly that-that should be my goal. To be known as a person who loves; despite who the person is, what they’ve done, what annoyances I have with them, etc. Basically the Lord resonated a question within me… “are you love?”. Do others experience love from my life, not snobbery, coldness or apathy?

"miss ayl-eeeeeees-a-bit"

My excuses for not doing ministry locally:

1) I’m not a good speaker, not eloquent… just downright awkward when I first meet people.
2) I’m too busy.

3) God, I’m already in ministry!

His subtle reply is usually something to the effect of “Elizabeth… where is your sense of urgency?”

For the past month or so, God has put a strong conviction in me to spend some time loving the poor in my own city [Dallas… home of the cowboys and big hair – a stereotype that I must admit, I fulfill]. I tend to talk myself out of things, and I’ve been “meaning” to get involved with a local homeless shelter, or refugee complex for sometime now. Then again, intention means nothing until we actually put that intention into play. I can talk about my good intentions and what I plan to do… but it isn’t what I plan to do that matters. It’s what I actually put into practice that makes a difference.

I found myself frustrated with my own procrastination… So, in an attempt to get plugged in somewhere [ANYWHERE!] I updated my facebook status posing a question to the community. Basically asking how do I start? I sift through the many comments and messages, and do a little research of the ministries people suggested. A sweet woman from my church mentioned a ministry a friend of hers started with Bhutanese refugees in Dallas. Basically they meet weekly to teach these refugees basic life skills, and talk with them, etc. “Perfect!” I said… and proceeded to email her friend. She invited me to come “observe next Tuesday”.

[SIDENOTE: this is me being transparent – I decided that I didn’t want anyone I knew to go with me. I gathered from previous experiences that I tend to step back and limit myself when there are people I know [who I seem to think are more capable of communication than I am] are present and are able to be more proactive in conversation. However, this is not enabling God to produce growth in and through me when I confine myself to my comfortable little corner].

I showed up at the apartment complex a little early… [I’ll be honest, I circled a few times, scoping out the place… my nerves got the best of me. Mainly because this was something totally out of my comfort zone – showing up to a place where I knew no one, only to make conversation with people who barely speak my language? “God, WHAT AM I DOING?! I am not an eloquent speaker, and I don’t know why I’m here!”

I exit the parking lot and drive around for a few minutes to pray and calm my anti-social nerves down. “What did I get myself into? God… you better do some major preparation in the next 15 minutes, because this is not something I can do!” I pull back into the complex parking lot, park, and notice there’s no one here yet [did I mention – when I’m nervous, I’m usually excruciatingly early to things?]. 15 minutes [I’m not dramatic, can’t you tell?]. So, I stand awkwardly by my green car until a beautiful group of Bhutanese children come riding on their bikes toward me, smiling and waving! A tiny Somalian girl walks shyly towards me and offers me her green yo-yo… I comment on how pretty her pink outfit is, and she takes my hand and just stands with me… glancing up and smiling every few minutes.

I smile to myself and think “Ahhh… I see how you work, Lord. This is more of my element”

The great thing about children is… well, they really don’t care. They just want someone to take the time to listen to their stories, and care about their day at school. You don’t have to worry about making conversation – because, usually, they make conversation for you… or they’re completely content just holding your hand or playing with your necklaces. Children are not intimidating.

I ended up spending time with the children instead of the adults [not what I planned, but I welcomed it]. There were some women there that would come and share bible stories with them – and it was amazing to me just how much they understood and grasped.

Lessons were learned, and His sovereignty was [again] illustrated. I freak out over the tiniest things that I have no control over… but His gracious spirit is all-knowing and has the ability to place me in the exact place I need to be. Despite my “wait, what, huh, God?” and inability to trust and have no fear.

As some were leaving, a little girl hugged me said “I will see you next week, Miss Ayl-eeeeeeeeees-a-bit” [which made me smile – the children of Nigeria in ’06 called me “Queen Ayl-eeeeeeeees-a-bit”].

I’m slowly learning how to celebrate the mystery of His will – despite my constant need for confirmation that only comes from Him. Sometimes He’ll lead you to a specific place, and you don’t [won’t] see the “why” until you’re in the center of His will [or sometimes, I’ve found it to be several years after… I’m still looking back on experiences and realizing just how connected things are.

“Remember, O Lord, what you have wrought in us and not what we deserve; and, as you have called us to your service, make us worthy of our calling; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.”

Good morning, conviction!

My blog entries have become so few and far between! Here’s an extensive one, and I hope it makes up for my absence!

This morning, friends [Thomas and Jonathan] invited me to attend a local church with them [one that we have visited a few times before], because there would be a man speaking from Uganda. This friend shares my love for all things Africa, and knows I would be interested to hear what he had to say. After our usual Starbucks run, we pull in to this church [this church meets in a local school gym here in Rockwall, and is actually a branch of Francis Chan’s church in California, called Cornerstone].

So we’re pretty excited about hearing this man from Uganda. We walk in and do the typical/cordial “hellos” to our acquaintances and sit in our usual spot [stage right, middle of the section… our comfortable spot]. We do what the majority of America does – try to avoid any real conversations with anyone, and only make conversation between our “group”. We stand when we’re told to stand, spend a little time in worship through song… all the while commenting on our mutual frustration due to the fact that they’re singing songs no one knows. Because we all know… you can’t fully worship our Creator unless you know every word of every song [please note the sarcasm]. We sit when we’re told to sit.

As I’m sitting, browsing the bulletin, I notice “special guest speaker, Francis Chan”

“Wait… what?” I had purchased his book [crazy love] earlier this spring, was able to read the first chapter of it before a friend borrowed it to read [due to my constant “ERIKA! You HAVE to read this when I’m done… it’s so good, so far!” [It’s okay, Erika, I forgive you]. :) But I haven’t had the change to finish it. First of all, his joy is apparent in everything he says. His sincerity and love for the poor is obvious. Basically, the entire morning was Chan speaking on behalf of the poor… challenging everyone to GO and DO… BE the hands and feet of Jesus with nothing holding us back. He mentioned his book. Not in the “go buy it” way, but that the book will earn over $1 Million in sales. What does he do? He [and his wife, of course] choose to sign over the entire profit of the book to go towards the poor and oppressed.

Then he illustrates just how much flack he received from that decision. The Church basically told him he was crazy, irresponsible for not keeping some for himself… in case of “emergency”. “EMERGENCY?” Chan questions… “What is an emergency???! Saving for retirement? Comfort? What about the poor and opressed? What about the injustices of sex trafficking? What about eradicating diseases? Is that not an emergency?”

My question – Are we too disconnected from all of this to stand up and be advocates, ourselves, for a greater cause? Maybe every Christian needs to see it for themselves to truly digest the injustices of the world and act on what God urges each one of us to do?

“Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are left desolate and defenseless; Open your mouth, judge righteously, and administer justice for the poor and needy.” [Proverbs 31:8-9 paraphrased]

Afterwards, the three of us went to lunch and basically “debriefed” from all that we had been told this morning. Stuff we knew… but it never was presented in such a ‘what are you waiting for?’ kind of way. We all started questioning “WHAT AM I DOING??? Why am I here? Why am I not living in the midst of these precious children of God? What can I do HERE, of all places???” and actually started getting very depressed and seemingly apathetic towards everything we’re doing now. I don’t think that was the intent of Chan’s words… his challenge was not “you’re all terrible people for not doing a,b,c…” but rather, we need to obey the commands God has given to each of us individually. If God is telling you to take a trip to Africa, Asia, Russia – then that is your command. However, if God is telling you to stop purchasing clothes, if God is telling you to go next door and have a discussion with your neighbor, or go downtown and hang out with the homeless – that is not a lesser mission. Each one of us are called to be “missional”… depending on your gifts and abilities, God’s plan may be that you serve in a ministry locally… but it may be to serve internationally – and all we can do is be open and willing to go as He leads. He does not use the best looking, the most eloquent [thanks for that, God], the ones that have loads of money… God will use the willing. It’s our job to be that and accept, joyfully, His will for our lives. It’s also our job to be the voice.

My friend [Thomas] that invited me this morning has been to a certain country [Ghana] every Summer for 8 or 9 years in a row. This year, God made it clear to him that he wasn’t to return this time. That totally broke his heart, because that’s his favorite place in the entire world, and it enables him to be transformed by the Spirit each time he goes. He becomes more like Christ with each trip he takes… not because of anything he is doing, but because of what the Lord is doing through the people he is able to meet. Sometimes even the willing are told “not this time”, but we can rest assured knowing that His sovereign plan is faultless. Nothing is “by chance”, and God will use him wherever he is. My life quote is “the safest place to be is in the center of God’s will”, and that is just a constant reminder that I shouldn’t be worried or overwhelmed by anything… all happenings are part of a larger plan [sounds cliché, but it is true].

Obedience should not be based upon what other people are doing. Instead, we must WHOLEHEARTEDLY obey the commands God has given to each of us individually. Trust that He will reveal it to you… and in the meantime, check out local ministries you can get involved in.