September 28, 2006 was a day that is still influencing my life. Earlier that year, the Lord began putting the country of Nigeria on my heart. As a typical senior in high school, I was consumed with my comfortable “me-me-me” mentality, and didn’t give His calling much thought. I kept reassuring myself that “I’m content in Texas… I can be a reflection of Him here, in my controlled comfort zone”. God continued, not in a subtle way, to make it clear that I’d be going on the 2006 trip, despite my feeble attempts to disregard it. I’m honestly not really sure how I showed up at that first meeting. “It’s just an informational meeting! No obligation!” the many voices said.
I had known about this particular trip for many years. A large group of people at my church would go at least once a year. I had seen all of the pictures and heard all of the stories, but still never felt connected to this particular country (or any country, for that matter). It boiled down to fear; fear of the unknown, fear that I didn’t have an earth shattering testimony to share, fear of speaking in large groups, fear of cost and ultimately the fear of giving up control.
Around the time I was dealing with these particular insecurities, I attended a regular church service in which the speaker starting speaking about control. Everything he said was a big nudge and a “told you so” from God. He concluded with this:
“God doesn’t use the most eloquent. God doesn’t use the ones with the best testimony, or the most talented… God will use the willing.”
By this time, I was squirming in my seat in anticipation. “God??! I’ve never been on a plane, and you want my first experience to be a 26 hour one to another country?!” Apparently so.
I arrived in Abuja, Nigeria on September 28, 2006. I stepped off the plane, already feeling nauseous and uncomfortable, wanting to turn around and get right back on. Thankfully, I did not. I was there with a mindset of helping orphans, changing lives, being a light in the darkness… needless to say, I came back to America not realizing how much of an effect the people of Nigeria had on me. I wanted to go and “do”, be the feet of Jesus… hug the orphans, experience what they go through, but I took much more back from it than I originally thought. I try to remind myself daily, when things aren’t working out the way I want them to, or if I’m feeling overwhelmed or out of my comfort zone… that the safest place to be is in the center of God’s will, despite our current fears and frustrations.
I think God likes to challenge us and grow us by nudging us out of our comfort zones. I’ve learned to embrace those sometimes subtle nudges and go with the flow. There seems to be no use fighting God’s will because He promises us that He is in control. The theme of 2008 was definitely control; letting God do His thing, and me follow. So when I received the call in late 2008 regarding a position with World Orphans… there wasn’t much hesitation. 2009 is already looking to be a year of growth, challenges and in the center of His will.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” –Mother Teresa
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