"miss ayl-eeeeeees-a-bit"

My excuses for not doing ministry locally:

1) I’m not a good speaker, not eloquent… just downright awkward when I first meet people.
2) I’m too busy.

3) God, I’m already in ministry!

His subtle reply is usually something to the effect of “Elizabeth… where is your sense of urgency?”

For the past month or so, God has put a strong conviction in me to spend some time loving the poor in my own city [Dallas… home of the cowboys and big hair – a stereotype that I must admit, I fulfill]. I tend to talk myself out of things, and I’ve been “meaning” to get involved with a local homeless shelter, or refugee complex for sometime now. Then again, intention means nothing until we actually put that intention into play. I can talk about my good intentions and what I plan to do… but it isn’t what I plan to do that matters. It’s what I actually put into practice that makes a difference.

I found myself frustrated with my own procrastination… So, in an attempt to get plugged in somewhere [ANYWHERE!] I updated my facebook status posing a question to the community. Basically asking how do I start? I sift through the many comments and messages, and do a little research of the ministries people suggested. A sweet woman from my church mentioned a ministry a friend of hers started with Bhutanese refugees in Dallas. Basically they meet weekly to teach these refugees basic life skills, and talk with them, etc. “Perfect!” I said… and proceeded to email her friend. She invited me to come “observe next Tuesday”.

[SIDENOTE: this is me being transparent – I decided that I didn’t want anyone I knew to go with me. I gathered from previous experiences that I tend to step back and limit myself when there are people I know [who I seem to think are more capable of communication than I am] are present and are able to be more proactive in conversation. However, this is not enabling God to produce growth in and through me when I confine myself to my comfortable little corner].

I showed up at the apartment complex a little early… [I’ll be honest, I circled a few times, scoping out the place… my nerves got the best of me. Mainly because this was something totally out of my comfort zone – showing up to a place where I knew no one, only to make conversation with people who barely speak my language? “God, WHAT AM I DOING?! I am not an eloquent speaker, and I don’t know why I’m here!”

I exit the parking lot and drive around for a few minutes to pray and calm my anti-social nerves down. “What did I get myself into? God… you better do some major preparation in the next 15 minutes, because this is not something I can do!” I pull back into the complex parking lot, park, and notice there’s no one here yet [did I mention – when I’m nervous, I’m usually excruciatingly early to things?]. 15 minutes [I’m not dramatic, can’t you tell?]. So, I stand awkwardly by my green car until a beautiful group of Bhutanese children come riding on their bikes toward me, smiling and waving! A tiny Somalian girl walks shyly towards me and offers me her green yo-yo… I comment on how pretty her pink outfit is, and she takes my hand and just stands with me… glancing up and smiling every few minutes.

I smile to myself and think “Ahhh… I see how you work, Lord. This is more of my element”

The great thing about children is… well, they really don’t care. They just want someone to take the time to listen to their stories, and care about their day at school. You don’t have to worry about making conversation – because, usually, they make conversation for you… or they’re completely content just holding your hand or playing with your necklaces. Children are not intimidating.

I ended up spending time with the children instead of the adults [not what I planned, but I welcomed it]. There were some women there that would come and share bible stories with them – and it was amazing to me just how much they understood and grasped.

Lessons were learned, and His sovereignty was [again] illustrated. I freak out over the tiniest things that I have no control over… but His gracious spirit is all-knowing and has the ability to place me in the exact place I need to be. Despite my “wait, what, huh, God?” and inability to trust and have no fear.

As some were leaving, a little girl hugged me said “I will see you next week, Miss Ayl-eeeeeeeeees-a-bit” [which made me smile – the children of Nigeria in ’06 called me “Queen Ayl-eeeeeeeees-a-bit”].

I’m slowly learning how to celebrate the mystery of His will – despite my constant need for confirmation that only comes from Him. Sometimes He’ll lead you to a specific place, and you don’t [won’t] see the “why” until you’re in the center of His will [or sometimes, I’ve found it to be several years after… I’m still looking back on experiences and realizing just how connected things are.

“Remember, O Lord, what you have wrought in us and not what we deserve; and, as you have called us to your service, make us worthy of our calling; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.”