Many of you probably know that I’ve recently been laid off my job with World Orphans. It came as a huge surprise, and was followed with a few weeks of overwhelm and tears. I knew God was sovereign, and though I didn’t see a reason for it then, I’m beginning to grasp more and more of His plan. The past month I’ve been in a constant state of being reassured by the Spirit: “ Elizabeth , beloved, trust ME… obey ME… sacrifice for ME”. The things He wanted me to step away from were exactly the things that made me happy and comfortable.
My job :: God placed me in this job with World Orphans, knowing full well what I was and wasn’t capable of. He showed me, through this job, what He was capable of doing through me… despite my fears and questions. I realized just what it meant to follow blindly and what the act of obedience can accomplish. God is sovereign and He is constantly proving that. The job with World Orphans was so intricately designed for me. It was everything I saw myself doing, and though I didn’t know how to do everything and felt overwhelmed at times – I had never felt so centered in His will. When Rod told me that we were being laid off, it crushed me. I didn’t understand why, and was actually doubting God… thinking He led me astray. I realize now, through various affirmations, that this was a faith venture. Following the layoff, I spent a lot of time in The Word for some sense of direction. I craved an answer that I knew would only come from the Voice [His Word]. The answer that kept staring me boldly in the face, as I perused the new testament, was “Child, get up. Have faith”. At the time, I’ll be honest, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I wanted a clear cut “ Elizabeth , do this”, but God doesn’t concern Himself with making me comfortable… His main concern is making me holy.
So, weeks went by and I started becoming comfortable again… I had a sense of peace regarding my job situation, and an assurance that the safest place to be is in the center of His will. God said “wait, I’m not done. Now you must give up something that’s become a beautiful part of your life. Something you have put before me. Something that was starting to damage your heart and spirit”.
“Anything but that, God”
My community :: For the past year and a half, I limited my community to [really] one main person. A person that was so affirming and such a source of conviction, growth and encouragement. I was so content with my community; I felt like it was working. I felt like we had a good grasp on each other, and ultimately we were challenging each other and building each other up. What could possibly be wrong with that when we are both growing and challenging each other? God began telling me that I had different intentions than he did and I needed to put a stop to it before my heart was even more damaged. I realized, through convicting conversations with a few inspiring women in my life, that this friendship was too connected and intimate. God made it clear that I was to say goodbye. I spent months in deep prayer, pleading with God to not ask this of me... not understanding why He would do such a thing. My heart was so conflicted and I kept going back and forth on my decision for months. The Lord finally made it clear that this friendship was not healthy, although there were aspects that were. Ultimately we were both limiting ourselves from community outside of our elite bubble and not following God's mandate for community. I ended the friendship on July 5th. July 6th was an entire day devoted to my Kleenex box and [again] His Voice. Opened up the familiar new testament, once again, and was reminded of the tear stained, highlighted orange words of my recent conversation with God…
“Child, get up. Have faith”.
Everyone I’ve confided in recently has said similar things: “You’re so brave”, “You’re wise beyond your years”, “You are inspiring”. Though I appreciate those sentiments, I’m reminded of my sob filled prayers “God, I don’t understand why you’re doing this!” and my naïve “God, I’ve given up so much already? You’re really asking for something else?” and I catch myself… Did I really ask God that? How selfish of me to question why I must obey and sacrifice when He sacrificed His own life so that we may live? Selfish. We are called to “take up our cross and follow Him”, and I’m finding that, right now, that means giving up everything I love to continue in the process of sanctification.
The process isn't easy, by any means... I feel like I've started over in so many ways [community, job, etc] and satan has really been attacking my spirit into believing "Elizabeth, you have failed", and I have to stop myself from believing that I'm the reason things aren't going my way, and trust that the safest place to be is in the center of His will.
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